New Beginnings
by Hello11
Summary: With help from an unlikely source, Catherine and Steve have a conversation that will determine their future. AU


Malia walked through the crowded waiting room; her attention fully occupied by the file in her hands. Occasionally she would look up to ensure that she didn't walk into a wall or worse an expectant mother. Suddenly, her attention was caught by a familiar-looking figure slumped in a chair in the corner, gazing aimlessly ahead, lost in her own world.

Momentarily forgetting about the file in her hand, Malia approached the woman.

"Catherine?" she asked softly. She hadn't meant for it to come out as a question; she was certain that the woman sitting before her was indeed Catherine. Still, McGarrett's girlfriend was pretty much the last person she expected to see in that wing of the hospital.

The mention of her name awoke Catherine from her reverie; startled, she looked up and froze. Her thoughts were such a mess it took her a second to register who was standing in front of her.

"Malia," she finally exclaimed with a fake smile, hoping that no tears were visible. "What..., ah, what are you doing here?" She asked almost defensively.

"I treated a pregnant woman in the ER and just wanted to follow through," Malia explained, sitting in the chair next to Catherine and holding up the file in her hand.

"Right, of course... You work here," Catherine said absentmindedly, mentally reprimanding herself for not remembering earlier.

Malia looked at the woman next to her and noticing the tears in her eyes was about to say something when she suddenly got up.

"Look it was nice seeing you but I really need to go," Catherine lied, looking at her watch. She knew that Chin's wife had read her like an open book and she needed to make her exit before the questions approached dangerous territory.

"Of course, I don't want to keep you," Malia smiled getting up as well, "but if you need to discuss anything, my door is always open."

Catherine stood there for a second considering the offer. She didn't know the woman in front of her really well; they had only met a few of times during the team gatherings that Steve hosted. But she did know that Steve always spoke very highly of her and considered her a big part of the Five-0 family not only because of her marriage to Chin but also because she had discreetly helped him recuperate following the nightmare of Korea._ Maybe_, Catherine thought, Malia was exactly the person she needed.

"You know, if you are not too busy, maybe we can get some coffee?" Catherine suggested sheepishly.

"Sure! Let me just leave this file at the nurses' station," the other woman responded enthusiastically.

When they got to the cafeteria, Malia went to get the coffee while Catherine found a quiet, isolated table at the back, far from prying eyes.

Malia approached, carrying a styrofoam cup in each hand; she gave one to Catherine and then sat down opposite her.

"So ... What's going on?" The doctor asked kindly, encouraging her friend to speak.

"Not much..." Catherine answered sarcastically as she took the piece of paper out of her pocket and wordlessly put it on the table.

Malia looked at the paper, already having a pretty good idea what it would reveal. She was about to express her congratulations but noticing the tormented look in her friend's eyes refrained, instead encouraging her companion to speak.

"I ..uh... I don't know what to do," Catherine smiled sadly. It was true; for the first time in her life, she had no idea what the right decision was; for the first time in her life, she was scared. "I mean, I _am_ happy; I always wanted kids and I really thought it would never happen for me but..." She paused, staring into space.

"But..." Malia encouraged, sipping her coffee.

"But the circumstances aren't exactly ideal," Catherine uttered what probably was the understatement of the year.

"I mean we never discussed…we… we were so careful… I don't even know how it happened." That was a lie. She knew exactly how it happened and she placed the blame solely on Steve and his work-out regime. If he didn't work out so much, she would have had more self-control and they wouldn't have made a baby in the backseat of his car while on the way to the Governor's annual charity ball. _Like teenagers at the prom_, she thought mockingly.

"You know, I don't think there is such a thing as perfect time and circumstances to have a baby," Malia replied softly. "That said, whatever decision you make I will help you any way I can." Catherine could see the sincerity in her eyes and was truly grateful for it.

Malia took a deep breath, unsure of how her next comment would be received but knowing that it needed to be said. "But I do think that before you make a decision, you need to tell Steve. It is your decision but he has the right to know."

Catherine sighed. Malia had addressed the elephant in the room. "I can't tell him, " she responded quickly, " I just can't."

Malia was taken aback by her friend's sudden stubbornness. She knew that Chin considered his boss to be one of the most honourable people he had met; an opinion echoed by the rest of the team and by pretty much anybody else who knew him. She also knew that he was crazy about Catherine, even if he would never admit it, as evidenced by the big smile on his face anytime she was mentioned. She had a hard time believing that McGarrett would run away from his responsibility and sought to reassure her friend, " I am sure he will live up to his responsibility."

"I know he will," Catherine replied. "I know he would want to be involved but it would be because that's the right thing to do and not because he really wants to," she reasoned and then added, " Steve... he doesn't want kids. If I tell him, he will feel trapped and he will pretend to be happy but he won't be."

"Listen, you have got to be honest with him and demand the same honesty in return. Tell him about the baby, tell him how you feel, tell him you don't want him involved if it is only out of a sense of duty. He loves you. He will be honest with you."

Catherine felt encouraged by that last statement. "I'll tell him tonight," she assented. Malia smiled.

Malia was glad for that. She considered herself indebted to McGarrett. As she went back to work, she shuttered, remembering the night Delano's men had held her hostage. Unaware of the situation inside the house, Steve had come by to drop off some fishing gear for Chin. When she didn't open the door, he had sensed that something was wrong. Kono had once told her that you mess with Steve's people at your own risk; at the time, Malia thought she was exaggerating; after that night, she knew she wasn't.

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She stood in front of the large glass doors, her heart threatening to beat out of her chest. She could feel the sweat on her palms. She could not remember ever feeling so nervous. Taking a deep breath, she gently pushed the glass doors to open.

The place was empty and almost completely enshrouded in darkness, safe for a lamp in the corner office. As she reached Steve's office she found the door open with him intently staring at his laptop. For a split second she contemplated running but remembering Malia's advice decided against it and instead knocked softly on the glass.

" Kono, for the tenth time, I am not going night surfing with you and I am not bailing you out when you get caught, " he exclaimed in mock exasperation without looking up, his eyes still focused on the task before him.

"I think Kono left but you know night surfing is actually quite fun," Catherine said lightly, using humour in a vain effort to alleviate the tension piercing through her body.

Upon hearing her voice, Steve immediately looked up and smiled. "Hey ... What are you doing here? " he asked, closing his laptop and moving to hug her. He was pleasantly surprised, having not expected to see her for a few more weeks.

But once he got close to her and noticed the terrified look in her eyes, he realized that something must be wrong. As nightmare scenarios began running through his head, he gently put his hands on her arms.

"Hey ... What's going on?" He tried asking again, this time more firmly, hoping for a reply. He grew more concerned when he saw that Catherine was staring at the ground, actively avoiding making eye contact with him.

"Did something happen?... Are you sick?... Did someone die?" He began to desperately catalogue his worst fears.

Sensing the concern in his voice, Catherine gathered the courage to speak. "No, I am fine; everything is fine," she reassured him quickly, moving away from his grasp, still avoiding his eyes.

Steve was relieved by that statement but grew even more confused by her awkward behaviour. Suddenly, it dawned on him that maybe she was so nervous because she was there to break things off with him and that thought made his heart drop. Theirs had always been a relationship fostered by ambiguity; they never defined it, never discussed their future but it dawned on him that he couldn't imagine his without her. He would never freely admit it to anybody else but he loved her and didn't want to lose her.

"I...uh... I am pregnant,"Catherine finally muttered, almost inaudibly, half-hoping that he wouldn't hear her. But his stunned expression told her that he had heard her loud and clear. She was scared but had anticipated such a reaction.

"You ... ah ... you should drink water, " he exclaimed after about twenty seconds, as he moved to the mini-fridge, taking out a bottle of water. He had switched from utter shock to protective mode.

"That's right...you should drink water and sit down," he repeated as if reassuring himself that he was doing the right thing. He opened the bottle for Catherine and practically forced her to sit on the couch and drink it as she looked at him, her expression a mixture of confusion and amusement. She hadn't anticipated that!

He started fidgeting around his office, as if looking for something. "You should also eat fruit... I ...I don't think I have any fruit in here..." he said, desperately looking around the office.

"Steve ..." She said softly, worried that she had sent him into shock. But Steve ignored her; he was a man on a mission; he was going to find that fruit.

"I mean I assume drinking lots of water should be good for a pregnant woman and fruit has vitamins so it should be too but I don't really know... I should read about it, "he rambled worriedly, while ransacking the mini-fridge in vain; all he had in there was water, beer and Grace's favourite pink-coloured pop.

"Steve!" Catherine said more assertively, this time getting his attention. He turned around and looked at her. "Look, I don't need or expect anything from you and I don't want you to be involved if it is only out of obligation," she continued, getting up.

Steve stared at her for a while, his brain having trouble processing her words. Suddenly, he caught up and looked at her almost angrily, "Wait ... What is that supposed to mean? You don't want me to be involved? You don't think I would love my own baby?"

Catherine was startled by his accusatory tone. "I want you to be involved because you want to and not because you feel obligated. I know you don't want kids and I don't want you to feel trapped," she said, angrily rationalizing her earlier words.

She had never intended to offend him and was certain that he knew it; he was just twisting her words in an attempt to avoid having an actual conversation about their relationship. Any other time she would have let it slide but it wasn't just the two of them anymore and they needed to be honest.

"That's not true," he said calmly. She stared at him shocked. "The part about me not wanting kids; that's not true, not anymore anyway," he said fidgeting. He avoided making eye contact so she knew he was uncomfortable and was probably about to reveal something personal.

"You know, a couple of years ago, you would have been right but..." He lingered for a bit staring at the floor, "when I see Danny with Gracie or Mary with Joan I can't help but think that I am missing something, you know," he smiled sadly.

Catherine stood there, silently absorbing the information. He continued timidly, " Look, I know I have issues and am not exactly the ideal father a woman would want for her baby but uh...I...uh love you and I promise you I'll do everything I can to be a good dad." Steve quickly blinked the tears in his eyes away. He was so scared of losing her or rather... them.

That last sentence did not sit well with her. Sure, he wasn't romantic or overly affectionate but he was fiercely loyal, honest and protective, which was much more important to her.

She approached him, putting her hand on his face, forcing him to look at her, "Hey... Look at me... There is no one else I'd rather be the father of my children," she said and she meant it. He smiled at that.

"So we are going to have a family, huh?" He asked laughingly.

"I guess so," Catherine smiled; she had been so preoccupied with telling him that she had never looked at it that way. She liked that idea. Steve kissed her and enveloped her in a tight hug.

"Wait, wait I have to show you something, " she broke away from him, despite his protestations and moved to the couch, taking the sonogram photo out of her bag and handing it to him.

He stared at the photo for a while, too overcome with emotion to speak. "Everything is okay, right?" He finally inquired, mentally kicking himself for not asking earlier.

"Everything is fine; I had a scan this morning - I am about 14 weeks along and everything looks fine," Catherine assured him.

Suddenly she felt guilty about not telling him the moment she found out; she knew he would have wanted to be there that morning.

"Cath, I don't want to miss anything else... I am not going to miss anything else, " he said resolutely.

She nodded and he was about to kiss her again when a realization dawned on him, "Did you say 14 weeks?"

She nodded again and he laughed, "Wow, so it's all your fault," he said with mock accusation.

"My fault? How is it my fault? It was you who couldn't keep your hands to yourself," she protested.

"How was I supposed to keep my hands to myself when you wear a dress like that, huh?" he laughed as if expecting a response.

She laughed, blushing slightly. "You know that dress is really comfortable so I don't know maybe I'll wear it to bed tonight," she whispered seductively.

"Let's get out of here," Steve exclaimed enthusiastically, kissing her one more time


End file.
